Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Saxophone: Is it any good?

During the 1980s scientists in England conducted experiments on lab rats to see how depressed they could make them.

Usually on the Everything Database I feign some kind of impartiality: for example, I don't really like Cake Mix that much, but if you're a busy housewife and crap chef and need help baking something tasty for when your man returns home from his 9 to 5.30 working day in the 1950s, then I respect your right to give Cake Mix a rating above 3 out of 5.

However, with the saxophone it feels dirty to encourage you. Just think of your favorite song. Now imagine a sax solo in the middle of it. Not your favorite song anymore, is it?

You may disagree and say "But Baronimous, there are some wonderful tracks with sax solos, and here they are..."

Rolling Stones - Can't You Hear Me Knocking
Great track used in Scorsese's Casino, really long fucking sax solo.

Rolling Stones - Brown Sugar
Shorter Song, shorter sax solo. Still too long.

Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond
Lovely but really long elegy to Syd Barret. In the 1970s the government gave prog rock bands tax breaks if they used sax solos to encourage the public to switch off and save energy during the strikes and electricity shortages.

Lots of Roxy Music Songs
Brian Eno, 'acclaimed genius producer' of Roxy Music spent all his time making Andy Mackay's sax sound like it was a futuristic space weapon - and not a saxophone. That's why he's known as Brian Eno 'acclaimed genius producer'.

Carpenters - Close to You
Why is there a saxophone in this song? It is like breeding a thoroughbred racehorse with a cactus.

David Bowie - Young Americans
Bowie used Saxophones extensively during what many refer to as his 'Plastic Soul' period. Others refer to it as his 'Annoying Brass Conical-Tubed Musical Instrument' period.

Great though they are, if these songs didn't have sax solos in them imagine how much better they'd be.

Steely Dan, Van Morrison, Springsteen and a host of other 70s acts also use saxophones liberally as do rubbish new bands like The Guillemots and the Zutons, but I can't be bothered to write much more about them because it's starting to make me feel like a lab rat.

Feel free to give the saxophone a low rating below.